Walls
by OrcaMafia
Summary: "…I'm perceptive, Ryou. I don't know if you've built up these walls intentionally, but I just want to let you know that," Saeki suddenly grinned and punched him lightly in the shoulder with his other hand, "I'll break them down. Because I think we're both missing people who left us. Us losers gotta stick together, right?"


**_Title:_**_ Walls  
_**_Rating:_**_ K+  
_**_Pairing(s):_**_ SaeRyou (could be interpreted as friendship)  
_**_Words:_**_ 1,234  
People change, people are fleeting and temporary. People hurt.  
_

A/N: _Italics_ connotate scenes that occurred in the **past.**_  
__

Ryou clenched his fists, digging angry nails into the tender flesh of his palm.

He was curled up in fetal position on his bed, facing the window's side and watching the sun set over tumbling, gentle waves. All he could hear was the soothing murmur of water caressing sand.

As calming as the scenic seascape might have been, it did nothing to neutralize the heavy feeling of sinking dread that was pooling in the pit of his stomach.

Ryou always knew to keep himself guarded, to not get too close to others because people change, people are fleeting and temporary. People hurt.

_"Oh, well, you know-They have pretty good facilities too! And their team has some really outstanding players," was Atsushi's explanation behind leaving Chiba for St. Rudolph in Tokyo. "Hey, you'd better watch your back at national's next year, right, aniki?" he playfully nudged his older brother in the shoulder, an attempt at lighthearted humor to diffuse the tension that Ryou's silence was fueling.  
_

_"You told me you didn't like big cities." was all Ryou managed to say in response.  
_

_Atsushi fidgeted, trying harder and harder to keep his brother in good spirits despite the news he had just revealed. "W-well, you know, SeiRu's not in the middle of the city! It's like fifty minutes from the crowded tourist areas and the busy business districts. So it shouldn't be too bad,"  
_

_"I'm the reason, aren't I?" Ryou kept staring blankly down at his hands in his lap. He lowered his head further and his hair came untucked from behind his ears and black curtains of locks entered his field of vision from both sides.  
_

_The younger Kisarazu's expression changed from his cheery facade to one of genuine solemnity.  
_

_"Ryou, please, don't hate me for saying this because you're the best brother I could honestly ever ask for, but..."_

In the end, Ryou understood Atsushi's reasoning. He wanted to be seen as his own person, not "the other Kisarazu," not "the younger twin", not "the _other _one." He was an individual; he was separate from his brother and he wanted to be in a place where others recognized that important distinction.

But Atsushi's decision to move also forced the idea into Ryou's head that people were unreliable. How could friends be a constant presence in his life if even his family could walk out so easily?

Ryou was never loud or overtly happy; It was wasn't in his character.

After his twin brother left, his temperamental, dark and closed-off nature deepened even further. He didn't know if it was an intentional personality change or a subconscious, instinctive effort to push people away, but the idea of getting too close to someone who could just leave him as easily as his brother had fueled Ryou's habit of keeping himself guarded at all times. He wouldn't allow himself to become too attached to anyone.

This was why, when his silly, playful, aloof-downright idiotic teammate began to break through the protective walls that Ryou had built around himself, he was scared.

_"Ryouuuu-chan! Quit playing with your hair, it looks fine; Or are you just stalling because you know I'll destroy you in this next match?" Saeki Kojirou flashed a wolfish grin and winked at his shorter teammate.  
_

_Ryou rolled his eyes and shoved off the arm that Saeki had put around his shoulder. "Tch, you're going to regret running your mouth, Sae," He sat up from the bleachers and briskly walked to the outdoor tennis courts, the taller boy following from behind. As his back was turned to Saeki, he allowed a small smile to grace his lips at his teammate's teasing._

And then there had been yesterday. The first time someone had begun to get close to Ryou since his brother, the first time someone had begun to help him and truly understand him.

_"I-I think I understand why you're so upset."_

_Ryou looked up from his lunch. He didn't expect Saeki to find him here; who else came to the library to eat their food in solitude, anyway? He had come here for the quietness and the chance to brood in peace, but somehow his teammate had found him here.  
_

_He eyed the other boy suspiciously, not saying a word.  
_

_"Okay," Saeki pulled out a seat next to Ryou and sat next to him; so close that their shoulders were inches apart from eachother. _

_"I know this is probably overstepping my boundaries as your teammate-Even as your close friend,"_

_'close friend', Ryou noted, was what Saeki had just called him. Not just 'teammate' anymore. He felt an odd, happy tightening in his chest despite his awful mood.  
_

_Saeki continued, "Anyway, I want to let you know that I still miss Fuji. Everyday, even. He was my best friend; we hung out practically everyday when he was still around. We were like brothers,"  
_

_Saeki noticed Ryou's sudden glare when at the mention of 'brothers,' and quickly explained himself, "Okay, not exactly like brothers-I mean, Ryou, I'll never know what it's like to be as close as you were to Atsushi. You guys were practically inseparable through all of elementary school. But even for me, when Fuji left it felt like I had lost family. It was so abrupt, too. We had been building sandcastles on the beach one day, and the next morning he gave me a quick phonecall to say that he was moving hours away to Tokyo. It felt like I had been punched in the gut when I heard the news. He had been such a big presence in my life-And then he left, just like that."  
_

_Saeki signed and rested his head on his hands at the table, "Look, I know that this probably isn't going to help much, but I'm telling you this for a reason," He put his arm around Ryou's shoulder. This time, Ryou didn't shove him off in annoyance.  
_

_"He still calls me occasionally, to talk to me about tennis and tell me about how great his teammates are; And don't get me wrong, I'm happy for him... But I also can't help but feel like a forgotten part of his life."_

_Ryou blinked in surprise. He knew Saeki and Fuji were close in their younger years, but... But Saeki never talked to him about this. Saeki always seemed so happy and social and close with everyone; Ryou just never suspected that his friend had also felt rejected and abandoned once.  
_

_"So I can see why you would be upset and angry. I can see why you would want to keep yourself guarded; not risk getting too close to others who might walk out on you. I'm perceptive, Ryou, I don't know if you've built up these walls intentionally, but I just want to let you know that," Saeki suddenly grinned and punched him lightly in the shoulder with his other hand, "I'll break them down. Because I think we're both missing people who left us. Us losers gotta stick together, right?"  
_

_Ryou couldn't help the sudden smile creeping onto his lips._

Ryou groaned as memories of Saeki flashed through his mind.

After Saeki's talk with him yesterday, he knew he couldn't stay jaded all the time. But he was scared; scared of getting attached.

Yet then there was Saeki. Ryou had no idea how he did it, but Saeki's calm, relaxed, understanding, playful, goofy, charming, somehow irresistible nature was melting the ice inside of Ryou.

And it scared him.


End file.
